


Ocean Petals

by Nyctolovian



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Blood, Brogane, But also rly happy its finally over! (Cos gosh darn writing is hard), Buuuut i still continue to write so i must love torture, Hanahaki Disease, Hanahaki!Keith, Hunk and Lance are best friends, I'm blatantly ignoring canon and riding on my angst train, M/M, PINING KEITH, This writer tried, Unrequited Love, eventual happy ending (because im weak like that), oblivious lance, who are bad with secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-04
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2019-02-10 15:15:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12914577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nyctolovian/pseuds/Nyctolovian
Summary: Keith thought he had smothered those feelings for a certain blue paladin. But they had taken roots where they shouldn't and began smothering him instead. That was how flowers bloomed in his chest.(Or: the Hanahaki!Klance AU where Keith suffers)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my FIRST ever fanfic. I already posted this onto tumblr but it's still my first time letting people see my writing on this platform. So I'm nervous. Heheh...
> 
> Anyway, there are too few hanahaki!keith fics so I decided to make Keith suffer myself. ((I'm a sucker for pining Keith)) :D

The first sign was the difficulty breathing.

While practising in the training deck, Keith's breathing grew laboured far too quickly but he ignored the weight in his chest. He would never allow himself to be defeated by a level 5 fight simulator just because he was feeling a little unwell. However, the longer he pressed on, the tighter his chest grew. Each breath sent a sharp pain through his lungs and every strike became harder and harder to deflect. He found himself reacting too slowly, too slowly.

Keith huffed, squinting in effort. The Gladiator bot's movements merged into a distorted blur, its sword a confusing flurry of movements. When it pulled its arm back, he brought his shield to his left, blocking it.

Under the attacks rained down in rapid succession, Keith was left wheezing loudly, exhausted and dizzy. With a grunt, he swung his bayard. The bot parried it effortlessly and sent him reeling back.

The world spun into a kaleidoscope of colours. The paladin shook his head to clear it. His sight refocused and he saw the Gladiator bot bringing its sword down on him. He barely managed to step aside in time. In the process, he tripped over his own foot and stumbled. Before he could regain his balance, the bot made a stab at him. Keith dodged again but the sword had nicked his right arm and he was hissing in pain.

He needed to keep up. He has to keep up. He cannot-

Everything went black.

Keith was jolted back to his senses when his side slammed onto the floor with a resounding bang. His vision was swimming and he couldn't even tell up from down. The bot charged towards him. Keith opened his mouth to speak but all that came out was a pathetic wheeze.

"End training sequence! End training sequence!" A voice pierced through the dark fog in his head. Relief washed over him upon hearing the sound of the bot deactivating. Then, he heard someone run towards him. "Holy crow! Are you okay?"

Shakily, Keith looked up and he saw patches of brown and blue. After blinking several times, he found himself gazing into a familiar pair of blue orbs, which were brimmed with worry. He avoided staring into those too-beautiful eyes and croaked an automatic response, "Yeah."

His chest actually still felt tight. Or maybe it felt even tighter. His left shoulder was throbbing in dull pain and his mind was fuzzy and thick. Keith pressed a hand to the side of his head and groaned as he got up. A sharp pain impaled his chest and he fell back. He expected his head to slam onto the floor but Lance had caught him quickly enough.

Lance winced. "Nope. You're not. We're going to the sick bay."

Grunting in extreme effort, Keith tried to sit up again and Lance supported him. Then, he was helped onto his feet. His legs were weak and wobbled like a newborn fawn's and the world tilted this way and that, but firm yet gentle hands guided him as he swayed and pushed forward stubbornly.

An invisible yet impossibly soft pillow smothered the already suffocating boy when Lance sighed with a worried smile, his eyebrows quirking in a half-frown-half-smirk that only he could pull off. "Slow down, mullet man."

* * *

Then, Keith knew he was screwed.

Blue petals sat wetly in his pale palm and he stared at them blankly before glaring at them. Hanahaki disease. The disease that leeched off unrequited love and made flowers bloom in your lungs, slowly, slowly clogging up your chest and suffocating you, leading you to your eventual, beautiful, tragic death. The world just loved finding ways to rub salt into Keith's wounds and put him through torture. And the thing that pissed Keith off wasn't that he's going to die. He didn't have anyone waiting for him back on Earth anyway. Instead, it's the fact that just when he thought that he had, at long last, incinerated his useless feelings for Lance, shoved them into a hole, and buried them under sixty feet of dirt, they come back to haunt him in the form of flowers. Fucking flowers.

And of course they'd be blue. They could never be anything else but the colour of the sea. His ocean eyes were dark and deep, inviting you to sink into the cool embrace of their waters. Inviting even to Keith. Keith, whose first experience with the sea was of nearly drowning in it. Keith, who did not know then that the sea was not his territory and was never for him to touch. Keith, who had been impulsive as usual and rushed right into the waters, not seeing past its surface, and plunging straight into the deep unknown.

But he wouldn't allow himself to do that. Not again.

Crushing the petals in his hands, he threw them in the bin. Even as he trudged out of his room and made his way down the hallway to join the others for breakfast, the beautiful dark blue stayed like a stubborn stain in his mind. There was no way he would let others know about this because they would definitely keep him away from his paladin duties. Voltron needed its paladin and there was an entire universe for him to defend. He couldn't let some flower disease stop him.

"Ah, Keith!" Coran said as he sauntered over, breaking Keith's train of thoughts. "I was about to get you. It is rather unusual that you are late today." After a second or two, his cheery smile turned to one of concern. "Is anything the matter?"

"What? No! Nothing at all!" Why was he so bad at lying? "Everything's great," Keith mumbled.

Coran looked at him and the boy deflated under his stare, squirming. At last, Coran shrugged. "I will not press you any further, Keith. However," his eyes smiled, not unlike those of a concerned grandfather, "if you do need someone to talk to, you can always come to me." He pat Keith's shoulder and turned back around while Keith followed after. "We better hurry. Lance was incredibly determined to finish Hunk's cooking before you arrived. Shiro may not be able to hold him off much longer."

Keith stiffened. His chest tightened just at the mention of Lance and he didn't quite know if it was just the flowers anymore. All he knew was that he was going to pretend that everything was fine and that he wasn't dying from some flower-growing, unrequited-love illness. It would drag the team down and the fact that he had a crush on Lance in the first place will be the team joke for the rest of his short miserable life. And he wouldn't be able to handle Lance's cocky teasing. He would never let anyone know.

This stupid pining disease will have to kill him first.

* * *

Lance sang as he danced in joy. "Keith cannot swim! Keith cannot swim!"

From the opposite side of the lounge, Pidge yelled at him to shut up but Lance didn't hear her over his triumph so she just groaned and put on her headphones, casting Keith a pitying glance.

In disbelief, Lance shook his head. "Why did you even go to the pool that time? You can't even swim!"

Keith's face was burning. In a useless attempt to hide his embarrassment, he crossed his arms and scowled. "So what if I can't?"

"Oh, it's nothing," Lance said, flicking his head. "Except I'm a thousand times better than you because I can swim and you can't. Just wait till we have a beach episode! I'll be showing off my awesome moves while you hang onto your lame float."

Keith couldn't help but imagine floating idly in the sea with an inner tube while watching Lance in his swimming trunks, basking in the sea with a thrilled grin, his eyes bright with pure exuberance as sunlight glistens off his wet brown skin. Keith's stomach fluttered and his lips quirked up. He caught himself and huffed loudly. "Why will there be a beach episode?"

"You know," Lance said, his hands waving as he waggled his eyebrows. "The classic beach episode." When Keith didn't seem to get it, Lance sighed dramatically. "How can anyone be this uncultured! You can just bob around in the sea or whatever, I will be capturing the hearts of all my fans." He made a finger gun and winked at an imaginary alien, clicking his tongue.

A crushing wave of bitterness crashed over Keith, overwhelming him. "You're being an idiot. No one likes someone just because they can swim," he said acidly, glaring, "Lance."

Lance's eyes widened for a second before they narrowed. "Oh, really? You're just jealous because no one likes you and your stupid mullet."

Keith opened his mouth to yell at him. But he couldn't make a sound. He couldn't breathe. His hands flew to his neck. Leaning forward, Keith's face turned red with effort. He gagged and choked, unable to cough.

"K-Keith?!"

His chest was too tight, never relenting to allow his lungs expand. A hand grasping his neck and the other clenched in a tight fist, Keith keeled over. His body was quivering like a leaf and everything seemed to tumble. He had to breathe but no air was entering his lungs. Hunching over the floor, he lurched forward and felt hands catch him.

From the corner of his eyes, Keith saw Pidge rush over. "Keith! What's happening?" Her voice was high-pitched and scared as she knelt beside Keith, shaking him violently.

"He's choking!"

"On what?"

"I don't know!" Lance shouted. Then, he was kneeling and hitting Keith's back. "Cough it out! Cough it out!"

Desperately, he tried to gasp but the oxygen never reached his lungs. Face turning blue, he convulsed, his eyes wide with fear and alarm.

Pidge darted out of the room and screamed, "I'll go get help!"

Lance continued to hammer Keith's back. In his agony, Keith twisted and turned his body. Then, he managed a slight cough and tasted metal. Breathing should be easier but no matter how hard Keith tried, every breath was cut short by gagging. A violent barking cough tore through his throat.

A spasm of coughs rocked his body. At last, he could just breathe, even if just a little. But a single word Lance muttered was enough to rob the life that he was barely clinging to with his cold shaking hands. "Roses?"

Flowers had bloomed from his lips, blue petals now speckled with red, and had fallen to the floor. His stomach sank.

"Blood! Is this... Hanahaki? Keith?"

Mortified, Keith tried to push him away. But he was weak and his hands could only grasp Lance's shoulder. He pressed his forehead against his own arm and squeezed his eyes closed. Lance massaged his palms and said, "You're gonna be okay. Hang in there. You'll be okay. You'll be okay."

Thin arms went under his body and he was raised slightly before being set back down clumsily when Keith began to writhe in agony. "Shoot," Lance hissed through clenched teeth. As he whispered reassurances into his ears, he cradled Keith and rubbed his back in circles as the quivering boy gasped in short shuddering breaths.

Keith must have lost consciousness at some point because the next thing he knew, a cool metal hand against his cheek and someone slapping him awake. Like a man breaking through the surface of a stormy sea, he abruptly sucked in a large gulp of air.

"He's breathing again!" Shiro shouted.

Pidge yelled heart-wrenchingly, "Keith!"

"Thank god!" Lance said from beside him. "You're breathing! Hey, buddy. Breathe, okay? Take deep breaths. You're gonna be fine."

Although Keith tried to breathe deeply, his lungs could only take in shallow rasping breaths. Someone stroked his arm soothingly and he focused on the feeling of the warm hand against his cold clammy skin.

Breathing was a little easier now. His eyes fluttered open with effort. Tears blurred his vision (had he been crying?) and puddles of blue and red were scattered across the floor. He coughed feebly. A single blue petal floated down, tainted crimson. Then, his ribs wouldn't move again.

Shiro's arms wrapped around Keith and he was lifted. Air wouldn't fill his lungs and there was no relief. The flowers and feelings clogged up his airway, and his chest tightened further.

Shiro was the first to notice this and shook him in alarm. "He's not breathing again!"

Instantly, Pidge let out a scared whine and Lance's panicked voice filled his head. "Quiznak!" A pair of ocean blue eyes looked into him and the lovesick boy found himself drowning in them again. Warm hands held his shivering ones and rubbed his knuckles and he gripped back. In spite of his apprehension, Lance forced himself to sound calm and assuring, "You'll be okay. Breathe, breathe. Breathe for me—"

Finally, Keith managed to get a few breaths. "I-I can't," he whispered between coughs. "I can't." Sobs and hacks racked his drained, moribund body. His chest squeezed out a terrified whimper. "Lance..."

Darkness engulfed him once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this. Thanks for reading! Please leave comments and kudos. You have no idea how much I would scream if you do haha!
> 
> Or you could come talk to me on my tumblr! @confusedsiewmai


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HUGE THANKS TO THOSE WHO READ THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER!! Oh my gosh, I was so surprised by the response because I really didn’t know what to expect haha! But boy was i surprised!!
> 
> Special thanks to @mrscarocat on tumblr though for sticking with me through so much of my nonsense. I think I was a wreck at times but you’ve always been supporting me so ahh thanks!!!! 
> 
> Beautiful songs I listened to while writing this and the previous chapter:  
> 1) Ocean Eyes by Billie Eilish (both the original and the backbear one)  
> 2) feelings are fatal by mxmtoon
> 
> Anyway, enjoy your stay here! :)

A hissing sound broke Keith's unconsciousness. He lurched forward and expected to slam onto the floor but strong arms broke his fall. Keith opened his eyes to see everyone looking at him with worried faces. For a second, his ears were flooded with concerned noises as they fussed.

Then, Shiro swung Keith's arm over his shoulder and smiled at him.

"Ngh. Sh'ro," he managed. His voice was so raspy he couldn't recognise it himself. What happened? He saw the beige sleeves and noticed that he wasn't wearing his usual clothes. What was he doing in the cryopod?

Shiro must be saying something because he was moving his lips and there were some muffled sounds but Keith's ears felt blocked. He shook his head as if to get rid of the thick haze in his head.

The first thing Keith heard was Lance, who had leaned forward. "Welcome to the club. You finally used the cryopod too."

Keith suppressed a groan. Oh, right. How could he have forgotten?

"What the hell were you thinking, you idiot?" Pidge snapped. "Why didn't you tell us you had hanahaki? You almost died, you ass!" 

Keith made an "I don't know" noise.

"Let's give Keith some water first. Also, some food to eat," Coran said, giving him a glass of water, which Keith gulped down thirstily.

"Good thing I made cookies. Too many of them, in fact." Hunk presented several large tray of freshly baked goods, smiling despite the dark circles around his eyes. And Keith knew Hunk only binge-baked when stressed.

As soon as he smelled the rich sweetness, Keith's stomach growled, feeling a lot emptier than before. He sat down at the dining area and wolfed down cookie after cookie until Hunk had to stop him from eating too quickly. Sticking his tongue out, Lance slowly reached for a cookie but his hand got slapped away by Allura, who shot him a stern look. Huffing amusedly, Keith rolled his eyes and took another small bite of cookie.

However, as soon as he began to slow down, Pidge couldn't wait any longer and sat down beside him.

"Keith-" she said and pursed her lips.

"Give me some time. Please."

Allura took a step forward as she said with a voice Keith recognised as he chiding one, "You have no time, Keith. Just tell us who you like."

The red paladin steeled himself. "I just- I don't want to say it."

Pidge huffed in frustration. "You're going to die so stop being so stubborn," she groaned. "Or would you rather die?"

"Maybe!"

The moment that word left Keith's lips, he heard everyone gasp. A bitter wave of dread washed over him. Groaning loudly, he dropped his head onto the table, pressing his face against his arms.

"What are you saying?" he heard Hunk's trembling voice whisper. "You don't mean that, right? You can't possibly—"

"Why won't you just say it?" Allura said, voice tight with fear. "It is already agonisingly obvious who you like. Anyone, who so much as looks at you twice, would know who."

Keith looked up at everyone, eyes wide with terror, praying that no one will say it, and saw everyone nodding. Or at least, everyone but—

Lance rubbed his neck and sheepishly said, "Really? I can't tell though."

Yelling, Keith shot up from his seat and his chair rattled loudly. "What do all of you know? You act as if a confession will save me. You think I never considered that? Well, it won't work! The person I like won't even look at me!" Keith punctuated his sentence with a table slam. He found himself glaring into infuriatingly blue eyes and tore his own eyes from them. With a loud huff, he kicked the chair and it tumbled to the floor. He ran, his weak legs barely able to keep up with his burning desire to just disappear. His chest felt tighter, reminding him of the damn curse he placed upon himself. His own stupid feelings. There were shouts from behind him but he ignored them.

With his eyes prickling, he ran into his room. For the hundredth time, Keith wished there was a bedroom door, which he could slam in frustration. He wanted to yell at the door to close quicker. However, it slid slowly instead, as if to mock him.

When at last the door was shut and it locked itself with a click, Keith whipped around and slammed his back against it. The jolt in his spine whipped all his energy out of him, and in a single moment, all tension left his body as he flopped to the ground like a rag doll.

* * *

Keith hadn't wanted anyone to come into the room. He told himself that he would not let anyone in. All that's going to happen if he did was that his guest would pretend to understand him, and he would be forced into corner, internally begging, "Please stop. I'd rather die. Please, please, please, please."

The plan was to just sit in here as he coughed into his hand and throw away whatever petals he had in his palms till he had reorganised his thoughts. At the moment, his head felt crowded with chatter and noise, and, much like how it was like with people, Keith hated it. He had tried to organise his thoughts into neat little groups but he didn't even know how to categorise the millions and millions of information. There were too many unknowns in the equation. How could one add things up if they no longer made much sense in his head and he couldn't even tell a common-sensical thought from a paranoid one?

But what if Lance did like him back? What if he didn't? What if this was actually just some dream and all this never happened? What if it wasn't Lance he actually likes? What if Keith just died? What if Keith got the flowers surgically removed? What if he ripped out his lungs? What if he didn't survive the surgery? What if he coughed all the flowers and feelings out of his body? What if he just confessed?

Everything felt like such a mess and Keith wanted to give up completely. Just sit here and wait for his death maybe. It will come take him eventually anyway. He could do that. He could write a note to apologise to whoever has to deal with his corpse. What were they going to do with his body? Probably eject it into space.

There was a loud rap on his door.

When Keith ignored it, the knocking at his door grew louder and more incessant. "Hello?" Shiro's voice was muffled behind the door. "Hello? Are you there? Don't scare me, Keith!" The panic in his voice guilt-tripped Keith in the end.

"I'm alive," he replied. The moment he said that, there was a loud sigh of relief from outside. Keith rolled his eyes. "Now can you leave me alone?"

"Look," Shiro began as Keith braced for one of his long talks, "I know you don't want to talk but this concerns your life and you cannot avoid us forever."

Although Keith tried to ignore him again, Shiro continued to nag and hammer his door. Finally, he relented, opened the door and was met with his brother's frustratingly knowing smile. So he had broken his own vow to himself. Kill him then.

After he went back to his bed again, he felt the mattress bounce as Shiro sat down heavily beside him and growled in annoyance. "No fucking assholes on my bed."

"That's very unlikely considering we all know you like Lance."

Keith choked and coughed out a blue petal. Immediately, Shiro apologised profusely as he rubbed Keith’s back.

"How could you say something like that?!" he snapped as he threw the bloodied petal away into the dustbin beside him and wipe his hands on a tissue he kept by his bed.

Shiro sighed apologetically. "Well, but the point I'm making is that we all know who you like, except for Lance himself. So why won't you just tell him?"

"Because he doesn't like me."

"How do you know?" Shiro asked.

Pursing his lips, Keith crossed his arms. "It's obvious, isn't it? He has no interest in me."

"Keith," he said, his chiding voice returning, "you currently only have two options. One, you tell him and he could like you back and everything will be alright; two, you undergo surgery but you can never love him again, even if he does have requited feelings for you."

"We all know there's a third option and, to be honest, it sounds like the best one right now."

"Keith..." It was unbearable for Keith to watch the pained look on his almost-brother's face so he glared at his knees. "Why won't you give it a chance? Just tell Lance the truth. What's the worst that can happen?"

"He has the laugh of his life and I throw myself into space out of embarrassment. I should just throw myself out from the start. It's less painful."

At that, Shiro frowned.

Immediately, Keith held his hands up. "Okay! Alright! I’ll stop joking about death." When he saw Shiro's shoulders drop, he continued, "In all seriousness though?" He brought his feet onto the bed and hugged his legs. "I'd rather go for the surgery than... C-confess it. But... The healing period for surgery... It's too long. Zarkon can attack and we'd be at risk."

Shiro shifted to face Keith and placed his hands on his shoulders firmly, turning him a little. "Keith," he said. "You won't know until you try. Maybe he will return your feelings?"

"What if he doesn't?"

"Then, he doesn't. But so what? It's alright."

"No, it's not. It’s goddamn embarassing.”

With his warmest most assuring smile, Shiro said, "No one will laugh at your feelings, least of all Lance. Have a bit more faith in him."

"It's not him!" Keith yelled. Nervously, he began twiddling his thumbs. "I mean, i-it sort of is. But I won't be able to live knowing I confessed to L-Lance. It's just too humiliating. I got some stupid disease just because of a crush? That's so stupid."

"Hey, it's not embarrassing to have feelings."

Keith frowned at his palms.

Shiro cocked his head to look at him in the eyes. "Just try. If he doesn't like you, then we go for the surgery, alright?"

The gears in Keith's head were turning as Shiro patiently waited for his response. He gulped nervously. Finally, he squeezed his eyes shut. "I... I really can't do it. Can I just go for the operation?"

There was a slight droop of Shiro's face but not enough for Keith to notice. "If that's what you want," he replied.

* * *

Despite the fact that Shiro had already announced to the rest of the team what his final decision was, Keith found himself still peeking through the curtains in his mind and considering the forbidden idea of confessing. His brother's words replayed in his head, urging him to just tell Lance the truth because maybe, just maybe, Lance loved Keith too.

Putting those fantasies aside however, they’d managed to contact a space hospital and Keith was scheduled to go for the surgery in two days time. Apparently, Coran and Allura had to do a lot of negotiations because the supposed next slot was two weeks later but by then, Keith wouldn't even be...

So he had two more days before the surgery. It was a going to be a difficult complicated procedure and the chance of him surviving was 50%. Keith would say these were good chances considering how he had planned to leave it alone and die by himself. However, if he did live through it, the surgery would put him out of commission for at least a week, even with the healing pod. Even then, there was still a low probability of a relapse.

It was a hassle but everyone was completely supportive of him, albeit with sad, worried looks on their faces.

They were travelling towards the space hospital now. And in the meantime, Coran gave him a medicine that will help clear his airway and prevent it from constricting. The medicine would help relieve his pain to a certain extent. It'll help him so he won't be die choking on flowers even before the operation.

Keith lay in his bed, his head too crowded with thoughts to sleep. With a sigh, he got up. His eyes travelled to the bin. The medicine was quite helpful but it didn’t prevent the occasional bouts of coughing fits. There were enough blood-speckled blue petals in the bin to make a bloody flower crown. What joy.

He left the room and let his legs just take him to somewhere else but found himself in the training deck again. "No strenuous activities, Keith," he could almost hear Shiro nag. Somewhere else then.

The next place he found himself was in the kitchen. He didn't have the habit of having midnight snacks but he supposed once wouldn't hurt. Keith opened the fridge and scanned it. There were several packets of food they had accumulated from the planets they had visited. He should get something that didn't require heating. If he remembered correctly, they got some strange purple cookies from the previous planet. Pressing his hand to his chin, he searched through the contents of the fridge.

"Dude, don't leave the fridge open for so long."

Keith jumped back at the voice, nearly slipping and falling.

Lance caught him by his upper arm. "Geez. Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you," he said. "Should've warned you."

This whole catching thing was happening way too often for Keith's liking. (No, he quite liked it but you’ll never squeeze that one out of him.) As he straightened up, his arm could still remember the feeling of skin against skin. Electing to ignore that silly tingling, he shook his head at Lance. "It's okay."

Gently, Lance closed the fridge door. "You really shouldn't leave it open for so long though. The things will start melting and the fridge will get all wacky." He waved his arms around in a vague gesture Keith assumed was meant to be wacky. Then, Lance placed his hands on his hips. "Anything you particularly want?"

"Just cookies. The purple ones."

Lance's face lit up in one of his goofy grins. "Those are good! I was about to get that too." He opened the door again and found the correct packet within a second. He grabbed a bottle and gently kicked the door shut with way too much grace. "This one's from Gurklem too and it tastes a little like strawberry milk. Do you want some?"

Keith shrugged. "Okay."

Smiling, Lance nodded. "We really should go back to Gurklem and get more of these goodies." After he grabbed two cups, they headed towards the dining area. To be honest, Keith didn't actually want to eat anything but if he ran away now, it'd be obvious who he was trying to avoid. In resignation, all he could do was take a seat next to Lance and eat the cookies from the packet they had opened.

As Lance poured both of them some of the drink from the bottle, Keith's mind couldn't help but run wild with all sorts of ideas, most of them being echoes of Shiro’s words. To distract himself, he asked, "Do you come here often?" Then, he felt something burst in his brain. That's how lame people usually flirt! What the hell was he thinking? He wasn't trying to flirt for god's sake. He was trying to get over a crush! He wanted to stab himself with a spork. The fact that they hadn’t switched on the lights was probably what’s saving his reactions from Lance’s notice.

"I get hungry easily so I come down here to eat sometimes."

Thank goodness. Lance didn't twist it into something strange.

"I don't get how you can train so much and not want to eat more. Or maybe I just get hungry too easily." He pushed a cup of blue liquid to Keith. At the sight of it, Keith made a face. "It's better than it looks, I swear. Just drink it."

Gingerly, Keith took a sip. Not bad. It did taste a bit like strawberry milk. He continued to drink it as he watched Lance dip a cookie into his cup and eat it in one go. His cheeks were stuffed and Keith felt the urge to poke them. Then, he caught himself. How could anyone fall even further for someone at the sight of them eating like a child? Why was he such an idiot? Face burning, he looked away and chugged the milk-like drink. Thank god for the darkness.

"So... you're really going to do it?"

Keith looked at Lance in confusion. Then, it dawned on him what he was talking about. "It's my best option now."

The look Lance gave him was a strange one. "But... You're really not going to even try? What if she likes you back?"

"He," Keith corrected automatically. Instantly, he wanted to smack himself. You're going to undergo the surgery anyway. It doesn't matter to Lance who his crush is. The night air was seriously loosening his lips.

Meanwhile, Lance's eyes widened for a second but his face returned to the same look of concern and hurt. "Still, he might actually like you back. And... The surgery permanently removes those feelings, you know. Isn't it sad? Not being able to tell him your feelings?"

Keith picked up a cookie and nibbled on it. "Not really. I think I prefer never dealing with these feelings ever again."

"But—"

Sensing how Lance was probably never going to let go of this, considering how much of a romantic he is, Keith swerved the conversation away. "It's decided I will take the surgery anyway. I'm worried about that though. I'll be out of commission for at least a week, even if I survive the surgery."

"You're going to survive the surgery," Lance said, his voice firm. "You’ve made it through all sorts of crazy alien missions and nearly killed us all so many times. You'll live. And... We'll hold out while you’re recovering. We're not completely helpless without you, buddy."

"Zarkon might launch some sort of attack."

Lance rolled his eyes. "We'll kick his butt. No problem."

Frowning, Keith retorted, "There will be lots of problems. I've seen how bad it can be if we can't form Voltron during crucial moments. It would be too difficult."

"We would rather have a tough time facing Zarkon than losing you. Keith, your life is more valuable than you're making it out to be. Why didn't you tell us earlier about..." Lance gestured vaguely at Keith's chest. 

In discomfort, Keith hunched over and crossed his arms over his chest. "Because... It's embarrassing. And... I'm just going to be a burden to everyone. Like right now."

Lance sighed. "Hey, you're not a burden. Where did you get that from? I can guarantee you that the entire team will sob for days if you... The thing is, you're not a burden." Lance looked Keith in the eyes and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Your feelings aren't embarrassing too. Feelings are feelings. No matter what they are, we should accept them."

Wide blue eyes stared straight into Keith as, once again, he was pulled in by the ocean of Lance's orbs. The weight on his shoulder was warm to his skin, soft and comforting. His head swam with emotions and his heart became so full it hurt. Everything ached with the yearning for the warmth of brown skin and for the ocean blue to look at him the same way his looked at Lance. Keith wanted that so much, too much, his lungs burned.

Oblivious to the turmoil in the lovesick boy, Lance continued, "We can’t control what we feel so just accept your feelings. They’re a part of you. Feelings are never silly."

"Even if they’re for you?"

"Of co-" Lance choked on his own words. His face flushed dark red as his mouth hung open in shock.

Keith only snapped out of his stupid trance after several seconds. He could hear his heartbeat in his own ears as realisation dawned upon him. What the fuck did he just say?!

The two boys stared at each other, eyes locked. Keith's entire face was bright red. There was no doubt his fair skin would boast the vibrant colour, as if it were a traffic light in the night. He was quivering from head to toe, afraid and anticipating something, anything. The pause of movements and sounds pushed him over the edge and into a dark scary abyss of emotions.

"O-oh," Lance said, the first to break the silence. "Is that... Was that..."

Keith was frozen. His head screamed. His body shook. His chest tightened. He leapt off his seat. "I'm leaving.” 

Lance seized him. "Wait! Don't run!"

Like a pole, Keith stood ramrod straight. Too afraid to see the look on the other boy’s face, he looked straight ahead, face steely. His heart beating a million per second. He was breaking out in cold sweat and there was no way Lance couldn’t feel it. His breaths were shallow and pained. Despite how his brain was demanding him to shake Lance off and run, there was a block in the nerves between his head and the rest of his body. Keith couldn't move at all.

"Listen," Lance said, voice cracking. "I-I’m s... I like you."

Eyes wide, Keith whipped around. He was met with the gentlest blue he has ever seen and all he could do was gape. Lance stood up and, instinctively, Keith took a step back. Was this real? Was this real? He moved his mouth to make words but nothing came out. Was this a dream? This was better than all his dreams combined.

"Keith, I like you too." Lance's hand was cool against Keith's burning cheeks.

"Wait. Really?" he breathed.

Lance's lips curled into the softest smile. "Yes, really."

There was a flash in those amethyst eyes as Keith let out a huff through his open-mouthed grin. He dove into Lance's arms, making him stumble back a little. Laughing, Lance teased, "I thought you weren't one for hugs?" When he felt his sleeve get wet, he gasped. "Oh crackers! Are you crying?"

"Don't ruin this, Lance," Keith muttered, his voice thick with tearful joy. "You have no idea how scared I was."

Lance pet his head, threading his fingers through his soft black hair. "I can't believe it."

"Neither can I." Keith pulled back slightly to wipe his eyes with the back of his hand, sniffling. His nose was red and his cheeks were wet. Whatever chest tightness he had previously was gone and Keith was giddy with glee, grinning uncontrollably. "C-can I k-kiss you?"

"While you're crying and snot-faced? Anything for my new boyfr-"

Keith surged forward before the sentence could be finished. The kiss tasted of cookies and strawberry milk and a hint of  Lance, and was deliriously warm and soft. But even Keith knew this was truthfully a bad kiss. There was too much teeth, and too much force, and too much laughing. But he couldn't care less. His love was requited. Lance was now his boyfriend! And he had Lance's lips pressed against his.

Nothing could ruin this moment.

* * *

"Wait. You _lied_?"

"What was I supposed to do? I couldn't tell him the truth! He was dying! I couldn't do it to him, Hunk! I couldn't!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clarifications:  
> 1) This isn’t technically my first fic posted here but it feels like one because the other one was an anon work and it was only revealed after I posted the first chapter of this fic. So tbh they both feel like first fics. :p  
> 2) I wrote the first chapter and posted it on tumblr 1 month ago (?) and so writing this chapter truthfully took about the same time as well (due to much procrastination ahem)
> 
> Anyway, thanks so much for reading. It’s still quite surreal for me that people actually read this without me going over to beg you lolll!! Doesn’t make this any less nerve-wracking tbh but has given me enough boost to post this... 
> 
> Also, continue to boil in agony after this ending. I quite like watching yall (I’m in the cauldron with you guys too don’t worry). Idk how long it’ll take till the next chapter but... i hope its quick? 
> 
> Come scream at me @confusedsiewmai on tumblr? :D (or in the comments here. That’d be amazing too)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year!! Hope 2018 treats us nice... I have lots of plans but I dun think I can maintain... (One of them is to write lots and lots)
> 
> Again, BIG BIG thanks to Caro for being such an awesome person and being there for me and talking to me so much hahaha. One day, I shall pat your head.
> 
> Anyway, I'm back with the third chapter but... it's not the last chapter... *buries myself under blankets in shame* I think the chapter might get a little too long so I had to cut it. And even though I said in the previous update "I hope the next chapter comes quick", it didn't happen so... no promises, guys.
> 
> A song I listened to on loop while writing this: My smile is extinct by Kane Strang (suicidal elements so... be careful!!)

At the breakfast table, Lance kept nudging Keith in the arm but Keith shook his head or groaned in frustration every time. This felt too official. He didn't want to do it yet. Maybe a little later...

Finally, Pidge moaned loudly from the other side of the table and crossed her arms. "Will the two of you just spit it out and stop that stupid nudge-nudge bullshit?" 

With all eyes on them, Keith sighed and said, "W-We have something to say to everyone... We... Coran..." He looked at Lance for help with anxiety-filled eyes.

Receiving the baton with flourish, Lance stood up and cleared his throat. Everyone turned to look at him and he put on his usual goofy grin. "We have good news, everyone!" Lance said loudly. "Keith's all safe and okay now! No more hanahaki!"

"Not entirely,” Keith corrected. “Coran said I still have to be monitored. He's now calling the hospital now to tell them that I'm fine but..."

Rolling his eyes, Lance muttered, "Details, details."

"It's important!" Keith said in exasperation.

Hunk waved his hands in front of him as he shook his head. "Wait a second. You two are missing out the most important detail! Are you saying what I think you’re saying?"

There was a loud gasp from the end of the table as Allura leapt to her feet and clapped her hands together. "You two are together!"

At those words, Keith's face heated up to the temperature of a boiling kettle and he felt embarrassment bubble violently beneath his skin. On the other hand, Lance wrapped an arm around Keith's shoulders and replied, laughing, "We are! So turns out we both like each other." If Keith was burning just now, he was close to an exploding star right now. An end like this would be fine for Keith though.

"What," Hunk said, "but how did that happen? Lance, I thought—"

“Yes!” Shiro yelled as he snatched Keith right out of Lance's hold and yanked him into a tight bear hug. "I told you! I told you to have a little more faith! My little brother’s actually going to get married. I was right! You should’ve confessed!"

"N-not that fast!" he sputtered but he returned the over-enthusiastic embrace anyway. "Well, but, statistically, you've got to be right about something at least once in a while."

Shiro ignored that last jab in favour of letting Keith have his moment. Trapped in his brother's arms, Keith didn't notice the little gremlin behind him. He yelped in surprise when Pidge slapped his back hard.

"You hair-for-brains idiot!" she said between joyful tears. "You actually did it. I thought you really were going to die. Or do that awful surgery." She smacked him again, sniffling. "I thought you were going to waste it all away like an idiot!" 

Released at last from Shiro's clutches, Keith ruffled Pidge's hair. "Sorry, Pidge. I wasn't really thinking things through."

"As if you ever really think things through," Lance quipped.

Keith shouted over, "That's rich, coming from you." That's when he saw Hunk watching them from a slight distance, frowning. He was about to ask Hunk if anything was the matter but Allura blocked his view. 

"Well, Keith, this goes to show that you really should have listened to us. And it worked out perfectly in the end! No more life-threatening disease and such a joyous outcome for you two! I always knew that you two would get together in the end!" she said, winking.

"H-how?"

Allura shrugged. "I just knew. A woman's intuition maybe?"

"I don't think so," Shiro said, laughing. "We all knew how this was all going to end so I would say it was just the two of them being dense."

Playfully, Keith rolled his eyes at him. He had been dense though. Did he really almost choose death over confessing and getting together with Lance McClain? He must have been an idiot. He had expected a comment from Lance but when he looked around, he was gone. Hunk was too. A best friend consultation?

"Keith really should've paid attention to all the little hints! Those banters they always have? It takes an idiot to miss a clue as massive as that," Pidge said. "They're practically flirting all the time."

Turning a bright shade of red, Keith yelled, "Absolutely not!"

 

* * *

Keith began to cough more and more petals. According to Pidge, this was a natural process of recovering from hanahaki since the body will begin to reject the dying flowers in his lungs. At least the petals were no longer stained with blood.

Lance, who had made it his mission to distract Keith from his sickly state that was induced by excessive coughing and wheezing, collected those petals and crafted things out of them. Several weeks later, Keith's lungs were verified to be clear of blue roses and he had several new flowery gifts from Lance, including a new rose bookmark and pressed petals arranged in a heart, which Lance had framed. All this should be too cheesy for his liking, and something tells him it's very unlike Keith to stare at them for so long but he still found himself doing so. 

At first, Keith had been worried. How would this new relationship change them? Would it be strange? He sure as hell wasn’t good with human interaction in the first place. Don’t even talk about dating. But thank god for Lance. He seemed to be born with the ability to make things feel natural and dispel any awkwardness, even with a socially-awkward person like Keith. There were still the usual awful nicknames, lame comebacks, childish challenges and strange antics. In that aspect, nothing really change and Keith was oddly relieved about it. He wouldn't know how to handle a Lance who didn't do all that.

But it wasn’t correct to say that nothing had changed at all because, once in a while, Lance would do things that would make Keith’s heart flutter and his insides to tingle as he’s reminded that they were lovers now, no matter how much the word made him blush.

The first time they finished a mission together, Lance had whooped loudly as his lion did somersaults. Keith laughed as he watched the silly boy, smiling fondly. Then, the blue lion stopped spinning and instead drifted closer to the red lion. Then, Lance’s face popped up on Keith’s screen through a private line of communication. Grinning from ear to ear, he breathed, “Red and blue. We really are the power couple, huh.” Caught off-guard, Keith blinked several times before he felt himself melt and nod with a goofy chuckle. 

There was more reason for Keith than ever before to complete his missions as soon as possible. The first few times, every mission ended with a brief intercom session with Lance, who would either chatter excitedly or gaze softly at him, and each of these little things made him feel as though he was relaxing in the sun-warmed waters of the sea.

Then, one day, Keith had been a hair breadth away from brutal death, barely escaping the dangerous jaws of fatality. He stumbled out of his lion, huffing and puffing, head spinning from adrenaline. “Are you hurt?” Lance asked as he dashed over. When Keith shook his head, he was tackled by a sweaty, armoured Lance. “Oh, thank god, thank god, thank god,” he muttered into Keith’s hair as he thread his fingers through it. “You’re okay. You’re okay. I was so scared. I can’t even feel my legs anymore. I was so scared.”

The others almost had to pry Lance away from Keith to properly make sure he was actually alright (he was) and after that, everyone had several days’ worth of teasing Lance although everyone silently agreed that it was endearing. Especially Keith, who had laughed at him the most. 

However, from then on, Keith was more careful and less reckless. There was no sense in worrying Lance again. Keith knew how it felt to be worried about someone you love, and even if it had ended up with Lance alive and recovering in the cryopod, the worry had been excruciating. It’d be unfair to make Lance go through the same process, or anything worse. 

Not long after that risky mission, Lance started frequenting Keith’s room so he could “admire Keith’s pretty face”. These visits had helped to prove Keith’s hypothesis: Lance was a touchy guy. 

There were times when he’d just drape himself over Keith like a cat or snuggle into him, smiling idiotically. He held and rubbed Keith’s hands a lot, mostly when they were alone because Keith still seized up at the thought of being affectionate in front of others. 

More times than Lance would admit, he would comb his fingers through Keith’s hair gently. Sometimes, there’d be pecks on his cheeks, neck or lips. Sometimes, there’d be open-mouthed kisses as they drowned in each other. But, always, always, Lance would look at Keith the way he looked at things that reminded him of Earth, give a soft lopsided smile, and whisper, “Yeah. I hate your mullet.”

However, what Keith hadn’t expected was that Lance had the ability to feel shame. Lance was shameless when it came to pet names for Keith, opting the most cringe-worthy ones like “boo”, “baby cakes”, “sweetie” and “cupcake”. However, when Keith casually called him “beautiful” once, Lance’s cheeks and ears turned dark as his hands shot up to cover his face. That was when Keith learned that despite how much Lance loved to flirt, being on the receiving end could turn Lance into a blushing mess.

More and more, Keith’s love for this silly but adorable boy grew. For once in his life, he didn’t mind feeling so vulnerable and in love, because he was sure that Lance loved him back.

 

* * *

 

Shiro was shaking, obviously suppressing his laughter. Finally, he couldn’t hold it back any longer and snorted. “You’re an awful sap. I honestly never saw it in you.”

“Shut up!” Keith snapped. “I’m not a sap!”

“You whipped out your wallet the moment the storekeeper said that it’s a magic love pendant that’ll glow when you put it on the person you love!” Shiro said, barely containing himself. “What else could you be?”

Keith tried to punch his arm but he dodged, laughing. “You’re such an asshole, Shiro.”

“Thank you for the compliment,” he said, grinning. “Okay, I’ll go give Coran the Scaullions.” He waved the bag he was carrying. “You know, the things we were actually supposed to buy. Just in case you forgot while being a sap.” Then, he ran off before Keith could even yell at him. 

Despite his efforts to stay at least annoyed with Shiro, Keith couldn’t hold his fake scowl for long though. His heart was fluttering as he jogged over to Lance’s room, clutching the necklace. He was about to open the door when he heard Lance say, “What should I do, Hunk?”

Keith stopped in his tracks. Oh. He shouldn’t interrupt them. Maybe, he’ll give it later. 

He was about to turn away when he heard Hunk say, “Tell Keith the truth.”

This made him stop. 

Lance’s voice was brimmed with anxiety. “But… isn't it better if he doesn't know. I mean, we could just never tell him! Problem solved! End of story!”

“Lance,” Hunk’s voice was steely. “He should know. He has every right to know. It's not fair to lie to him. Besides, I never approved of this in the first place.”

“It’s fine now, right? We just don’t say anything and everything will be just alright. Not like he will ever know if we don’t tell him.”

Hunk groaned. “Lance, we’re in outer space. Anything can happen. I don’t know, you could ingest some voodoo truth serum or have your biggest secrets revealed by some dark magic mind reader or whatever.”

There was a long moment of silence and Keith could hear his own heartbeat, rapid and loud. Finally, Lance said, “That’s… actually possible.”

“Well, anyway, it's better to tell Keith now that you lied when he confessed to you, rather than leaving it to an accidental slip that will definitely make things even more convoluted and worse.”

What? 

Keith stood frozen outside the door, the pendant in his hands was suddenly too cold between his fingers. He felt small as the world warped and swayed. 

Lied? 

There was still talking inside Lance’s room but Keith couldn’t hear. Maybe because he didn’t want to hear. Everything was muted to him. Sounds, colours, feelings. 

When he confessed to Lance? 

Stiffly, he took a step back, shaky hands covering his mouth, as if to shove back any noise that threatened to escape. It was not needed, however. Keith couldn’t even breathe. It was hanahaki all over again. 

As silently as he could, he ran back to his room. He didn’t register the fact that he was in it until he saw blue. 

A blue heart made of petals.

Anger flashed in his eyes. He grabbed the frame and raised his hand, yelling. Emotions threatened to burst out of Keith and he didn’t know where it could spill to. All he knew was that he didn’t want to see that stupid fucking colour again!. It reminded him too much of the ocean he should never have touched in the first place. Blue, blue, blue! 

His arm shook with fury. But he could never bring himself to throw the framed blue petals. Something within Keith held him back and begged him not to do it.

He brought his arm down slowly, but reality slammed into Keith, like a merciless wrecking ball. His world crashed down, and the weight of it all shoved him to the floor. Tears threatened to spill out. Keith gently dropped the ocean blue heart onto the floor.

Stop. 

Breaths shallow, he dug the heel of his palms into his eyes. He bit his lip but, still, a whimper escaped. Curling into a tight ball, he fell to his side.

Why? WHY?  **WHY?**

Keith didn’t even know what to question anymore. Just why? A few minutes ago, he thought that Lance loved him. He had never questioned it. Turned out, he was just an utter fool.

And he didn’t even notice a thing. Naively, he had believed Lance to the edges of the endless universe and entrusted every part of himself — every soft side, every dark corner, every broken piece — to him. He ought to be angry at Lance. He ought to blame Lance. He ought to call him out on his ugly lie. But he could never do all that. 

At the end of the day, Keith could not hate Lance. Not for this. Lance had tried his best, he knew. He did what he could at that moment, knowing that every other route was a minefield of risks. This choice was no less painful. But Lance had tried his best and did what he could.

What Lance has chosen probably wasn’t the best way. But what was the best way? What could possibly be the best way to help a teammate dying of a pining disease so deadly that every single method would cause indescribable pain and, for most of them, death? 

Wrapping his arms around himself, he squeezed his eyes shut. His breaths were shaky at best.

Keith was angry. But not at Lance. By god, he wanted to be angry at him though — let fury burn and eradicate every strand of love he had for that stupid boy. He wanted to hate Lance. Yet, despite every single thing, all he could feel was hatred for himself.

On the cold hard floor, Keith lay.

Why?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope yall enjoyed this one. (Is Keith OOC? Is he? It's a real concern of mine.)
> 
> I ended it on a sad note again!! Heheheheh... Keith honestly is suffering too much... He deserves lots of hugs and kisses and all the good things. Why is he always being dealt the bad cards in life? I swear, it's gonna be alright!! (I'll be suffering while writing the next part though. Emotional parts are my weakness)
> 
> I realised this... sort of deviated from the whole "hanahaki" thing and I was wondering if that was strange. Is that strange? Well, it's on that path already so there's nothing I can do about it.
> 
> Andddd, thank you guys so so much for reading this!! Again, if you spot any mistakes, just hit the comments section (or you can just scream there. pls scream there) or you could come find me [@confusedsiewmai](https://confusedsiewmai.tumblr.com/) :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okok as usual, lots of hugs for caro!!! I swear, i was ready to murder someone while writing this. Thank god for caro for giving me helpful comments. Haha! If not maybe, I’d have committed a heinous crime. 
> 
> And thanks to all readers!!!! Your kudos and comments are super precious to me and I tried and will try my best to respond to all of them! :3
> 
> And now, this is the FINAL chapter of this story. Yes! Finally! Contrary to how i posted this way faster than the previous chapters, this one was a complete pain in the ass to write and im still somewhat... unsatisfied. If this... was less than expected, i apologise in advance. I worked as hard as I cld.
> 
> This song saved this chapter. It cld be worse... hahaha! But here it is: 病名は愛だった (Byoumei wa Ai datta, which means the disease’s name is love) by mafumafu. Give it a listen! Im listening to it on repeat now. :p
> 
> Alright, enjoy! Hope you’ve enjoyed your stay!!! :)

“Hey, um… Hello? You in there?”

Keith seized up. He held his breath. No no no no no. Too soon. This was too soon. Stop.

Lance opened the door. “I-I have something I need to tell you…” he trailed off as his eyes widened. “Holy cow!” All anxiety in his voice evaporated and was replaced with horror. Rushing to his side, he crouched down and placed a warm hand on Keith’s shoulder. When he saw Keith flinch, Lance immediately let go and set his hand beside his foot. “Oh, thank god. You're alive.” He sighed with relief. As he leaned down a little and tilted his head, Lance asked, his voice soft and careful, “Keith? You alright?”

“How am I supposed to be?! I just learnt that you’ve never loved me and everything was just one huge fucking lie!” Keith wanted to yell. But his throat constricted. No words fell out. His hands flew to the side of his head. He opened his mouth and let out a breathless silent scream, his hands tearing at his hair.

Lance’s trembling fingers tried to loosen Keith’s grip on his hair and trace his knuckles gently. However, Keith’s fingers only curled tighter as his body shrunk away. It was obvious that he was trying to push him away.

_Reject him. Before he can reject me. Reject him. Reject him. Reject him._

Although Lance eventually stopped trying to touch Keith, he still sat a short distance away, as if telling Keith without words, “I won't leave you.”

But Keith could hear the “not yet” that wasn't said. There was no doubt about how Lance would definitely leave Keith as soon as he revealed the truth to Keith. Just wait till he told him that it had all just been a lie and that there had never really been love, only pity and fear.

Keith turned his back against Lance. He was going to prove to the both of them that he didn't need Lance.

Yet, within several minutes, Keith felt himself growing soft and tired. Why be so stubborn? This could be the last time you could ever receive affection from Lance. Soon, when he finally told the truth, Keith would never be able to ask Lance for another intimate moment.

Instead, he should make this last as long as he could. But for how long? Keith had a feeling Lance had come here to reveal the truth. It wouldn't last long. This could be his last possible time.

Sluggishly, he placed down his hands. With no place to put them now, he just hugged his own body, steeling himself. With a soft voice, as if scared of letting Lance hear it, Keith whispered, “Hold me. Please.”

At first, he wasn’t sure if Lance had heard him at all. Then, he heard quiet shuffling. “The floor is cold,” Lance remarked, as casually as he could.

Like a child throwing a tantrum, Keith nodded without a word. That was enough for Lance. Gently, he slipped his arms under Keith and lifted him up in a princess carry without so much as a grunt. He made a noise of confusion when he saw the framed blue heart on the bed. Slowly, he set Keith down, making sure he wouldn’t lie on the frame, and put the blue heart away.

As soon as Keith was settled into the bed, Lance climbed up and lay down behind him. With one arm under Keith’s waist and another around his chest, Lance placed his chin on top of Keith’s head, spooning him. There was a stretched quiet before Lance asked, “Do you want to talk about it? ”

Knowing he could never lie, never as well as Lance, Keith bit his lip and just shook his head.

“Oh, Keith,” Lance whispered as he nuzzled the back of his neck. “Getting it off your chest might help?” When all he got back was silence, he hugged him tighter and said, “Alright, sweetheart. I’ll be here, okay?”

Prolong this as long as you can, Keith told himself as he nodded. Then, at least, he’d have the comfort he needed before Lance really truly left him, and Keith had to go back to his past lonely self.

Gingerly, Keith turned around so he could press his face into Lance’s chest. Without hesitation, Lance’s hand went to Keith’s hair as he brushed and ruffled it gently.

How selfish is that? Craving Lance’s comforts, soothing hugs, kisses and words, despite how he knew that Lance wasn’t his, not anymore — no, he had never been Keith’s in the first place. He was probably a nuisance and burden to him. But let him be selfish for one more day. Let him lie to himself for one more day. Let him have this one more day.

 

* * *

 

When Keith woke up, Lance was sitting cross-legged on the floor in the dark. He had probably switched it off while Keith was asleep. Gingerly, he shuffled off the bed and sat down beside Lance.

He grinned in surprise. “Oh, you’re up!”  
Just as he was about to smile back, Keith remembered again.

He doesn’t love you. Not in the way you want.

His stomach sank. Keith stared at Lance, who stroked his hand. He clearly was having trouble telling Keith the truth, probably afraid of hurting Keith. Maybe Keith could do him a favour and say that he had already known. Then, Lance wouldn’t need to go through the pain and anxiety of confessing the truth.

As Keith rehearsed in his head how to do it, Lance suddenly clapped his hands together excitedly. “I saw this on the floor,” Lance said. He reached onto the table and felt around for whatever he was looking for. “This!” Dangling from his fingers was a necklace. Keith almost didn’t recognise it.

A pang of pain shot through his chest. The love pendant.

“Did you buy this? For yourself?” Lance asked as he lifted it to his eye level and admired it.

There was a moment of hesitation. Keith shook his head. “For you,” he barely managed to say.

Lance’s eyes widened before he caressed the gem of the pendant. “Wow! Thanks. It’s so cool!” He put it on himself and smiled down at it as he fiddled with it.

Keith couldn’t help but gaze at it as well. He remembered how when he first laid eyes on the necklace, he was fascinated by the colour of the gem. He had never seen a gem with such a beautiful, rich purple. Now, it rested upon Lance’s breast.

“But it doesn't suit me.”

For a moment, Keith was startled but then, he hung his head. It was difficult to breathe. He supposed it wouldn’t.

Lance shuffled forward on his butt as he unclipped the pendant. “But, but, but, but, buuuut…” he said as his arms reached behind Keith, “it does for my beautiful boyfriend!”

The gem glowed soft purple.

“What?” Keith breathed.

Its glow was bright enough to chase away the darkness, but enough to be of a shade so soft that it reached out gently and cradled the air. Ever so slightly, the rich purple of the gem had lightened but it wasn’t any less beautiful. In fact, the lighter shade calmed and comforted the soul in a mesmerising way.

Keith’s shivering fingers brushed against the warm gemstone that dangled from his neck. His chest felt fuzzy but he couldn’t tell if it was the necklace or just him.

How could it be? What could this mean? Keith’s head spun.

“You didn’t know about it?” Lance laughed. “Dude, you have to know what it is before you actually buy it! We don’t want to accidentally have a device of the devil running around the castle.

Apparently, it glows for you but not for me. That’s a real bummer,” Lance said with a slight pout. Then, he seemed to regain himself. “Not like I need it though! I’m radiant enough without a glowy glowy pendant!” He threw his head back dramatically.

Wordlessly, Keith removed the pendant and it stopped glowing for a second. But as soon as he hung it around Lance’s neck, it began to glow again.

“Woah! What?” He fiddled with the pendant for a while, puzzled. Then, his eyes widened. “Keith, is that some galra thing?” Lance yelled in excitement.

“Galras have it nice if they can make nice gems glow-”

“The person I bought it from said that it glows when you put it on for someone you love,” Keith interrupted him. His face was blank.

Lance fell silent as those words sunk into his head. Then, he buried his face with his hands as he rolled onto his side, giggling like a child. His ears were a shade of dark red. “This is unbelievably cute. I’m going to explode,” he sputtered into his palms. “You have to warn me about stuff like this, dude.” He heard a hiccup. “Keith?”

Tears rolled down Keith’s cheeks, like beads of a snapped necklace. And he was stunned.

“Oh gosh!” Lance breathed as he sat up and pat Keith’s back. “Keith, you okay? Why are you crying? Sweetie?”

Keith fell forward and clutched onto Lance. Waves of relief crashed down on him as he sobbed. It was suddenly easy to breathe again as the world was lifted from his chest. Tension leaving him, Keith sagged into Lance’s warm embrace. He was laughing and crying at the same time, a complete mess. “You love me,” he managed with trembling lips. “You really really love me.”

“Of course,” Lance said, as he rocked Keith side to side. “I loved you since forever. Well, not exactly, but before… um, the whole hanahaki thing.”

 _You’re an awful liar, Lance McClain._ In a petty form of revenge, Keith wiped his snot all over Lance’s shirt and, for some reason, Lance let him, all while lightly pressing kisses into his hair.

After taking in a deep readying breath, Keith pushed back so he could look at Lance properly. He said, “Lance, you had something you want to tell me, right?”

The blanch of Lance’s face was almost unnoticeable. He chuckled nervously as he rubbed the back his head. “I-It can wait. It’s not that important.”

“It sounded important.”

“No, it’s fine. You should rest first.”

“Just tell me, Lance.”

“It’s not something you want to hear right now…”

Groaning, Keith threw his hands in the air and fell backward, leaning against his bed. “For god’s sake! Lance, I’m the opposite of subtlety and you’re denser than the average blockhead! I’ll cut to the chase. I heard your conversation with Hunk. Why else did you think I was crying?”

Lance froze. Time stopped as his ocean blue orbs trembled. His plastered smile fell as he paled. “K-Keith, I-I swear, I love you. I really do. I promise. Wh-what did you hear? What sh-should I even say? I don’t—”

“Lance,” Keith said, cupping his cheeks gently, “it’s okay. Just tell me everything.” Slowly, he reached over and tapped the still-glowing pendant, giving him a wobbly smile. “I want to listen to everything.”

Tears welled up in his eyes. “I screwed up big time,” Lance hissed as he leaned forward, pressing his head against Keith’s shoulder and grabbing his sleeves pleadingly. “I'm so so so sorry. I'm so sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for lying to you. I didn't know what to do. I was so scared. I just… I did that. I’m just so so sorry, Keith. I’m so sorry.”

Keith didn't know what to say. He didn't have words like Lance. He didn't have hair ruffles like Lance. He didn't have hugs like Lance. So, instead, he gently placed a hand on Lance’s back and rubbed small circles. And he waited.

Finally, Lance took in a deep breath and straightened his back. His ocean blue eyes stared straight into Keith’s. “I love you. I swear on my life. I love you, Keith.”

When Keith realised that he was looking at him for some response, some affirmation, something, he nodded and held Lance’s hands.

A bit of tension left Lance’s shoulders. “I didn't know that you had… hanahaki because of… me until you blurted it out that night. But then, before that, I was so scared. I thought we were going to lose you. I nearly watched you die the other day and all I knew was that I don't want it to happen again. That night, I was also awake because I had a nightmare. I was just, like, scared all week.”

Keith could feel Lance trembling violently. He rubbed the back of Lance’s hands. Thinking about it carefully, Lance had been the one who was there the entire time.

“S-so when you told me that you like me,” Lance said, squeezing Keith’s hands tightly, “I was like, ‘Wait. I could stop it. I could save Keith.’ You know? I could just pretend I liked you back an-and you’ll be healed! A-and everything will be fine. I could do something!

“So I faked it all and dated you. But then… I ended up liking you for real. I was kind of hoping that sooner or later you’d realise that I’m not really that good and just give up or whatever.” Lance let go off Keith’s hands and fiddled with the hem of his shirt. “I’m so sorry. I-I’ll understand if y-you hate me now.”

Sighing, Keith leaned forward. “I’m definitely angry. Was angry. But I don't hate you. Mostly just really relieved right now.”

Knuckles white, he tugged his shirt down and his arms trembled as he looked down at his knees. “How could you not hate me?”

“I don't,” Keith said firmly, frowning. “You did what you could. I still love you. I don't hate you. Okay?”

“You should. I’m a dick.”

Something in Keith snapped. “You know what? You are a dick, Lance!” Standing up, he grabbed Lance by the collar and yelled in his face, “Who are you to make all those decisions, huh?” He counted off on his fingers. “First, you decided to that huge ass lie. Second, you decided leaving it alone was the best option. Bless Hunk, I swear to god. Would you have ever told me a thing if it weren't for him, you douchebag?!”

“M-mayb—”

“I’m not fucking done so shut your trap! Third, you decided that I should hate you! Who the- I’m just- Who the hell do you think you are to decide whether I should hate you or not? I am my own person!” Keith’s voice cracked as he violently shook Lance, whose hands shot up defensively. “Do you not trust me to make my own judgements? Fuck you!” Keith roared.

His fist slammed into Lance.

Keith paled. He punched him. He looked down at his fist, then at Lance, who was hunched over, then at his fist, then at Lance. “Oh, quiznak. I-I’m— Shit. That- I’m so sorry. I-I wasn’t thinking and just- Oh, f-”

“I’m okay,” Lance slurred as he straightened up. “Thank goodness I had my hand up. Hand-to-hand practice with you worked, I guess. Wouldn't want my pretty face to get ruined, huh.”

“I’m so sorry. I really didn’t… Ugh, why do I lose my temper so easily? Can I take a look?” Keith asked, his face twisted in worry.

Gingerly, Lance lifted his right arm. “This and my face kind of hurts.”

As gently as he could while shaking with adrenaline from his fury and worry for his boyfriend, Keith lifted Lance’s arm to take a look at it. It was beginning to swell. His face was only slightly bruised.

“I’m so sorry…”

“Well, I deserved it anywa—”

Keith rolled his eyes so hard he could feel the strain. “Lance. What did I literally just say? Stop deciding stuff by yourself.” He sighed loudly as he sat down on his legs. “Even if you’ve been a douche, I really should control myself better.”

“I-I… Well, then, you should stop keeping quiet about stuff too,” Lance said, crossing his arms. “Half of this mess wouldn't have started if either of us had, I don’t know, said something! We need to talk about things.”

“You talk a lot already,” Keith couldn’t help but playfully jab. “Okay, but I agree. I should talk more about things, and you should talk about the… important things. Trust each other more. That kind of thing, I guess. We’ll learn that together.” Lance was wringing his shirt again. “Lance?”

He sat up straight. “L-Let me say this then. Keith, you're way too nice to me. I've been such a dick and I lied to you but you’re still here and you're still nice to me and… I don’t know, man. I don't deserve you.”

Keith’s eyes widened. He frowned. “Maybe. Not in that way, I mean. You are a big douchebag. And maybe, I'm being too nice. I don’t know either. But…” Loudly, he took in a deep breath and let it all out. “But I do know the reason why I can feel so much hurt because of you… is because I really need you. In a sense.”

For once, Lance didn’t have words. His quivering lips parted. He licked them. Then, he purses them in thought.

And because Keith didn’t have words either, he reached for Lance and held him by his collar. For a moment, Lance flinched before he relaxed again, trusting this time. Slow, so if anyone wanted this to stop, they could, Keith pulled him close. But by the time their lips were brushing, neither of them had pulled back.

Keith’s grip on Lance’s shirt loosened as they travelled to the back of his neck. He tilted his head slightly as he pressed forward gently. Trust him, Keith told himself as his eyes fluttered shut. His heart was slamming against his ribs while waiting. Waiting for something from Lance. Some response.

After what felt like eons, Keith’s heart clenched painfully, accepting the lack of response. Just as he was about to pull back, fingers thread through his hair, gentle. Keith gasped. That was the last breath he took. Then, he was drowning again.

But now, he could breathe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reason why I want to post today: tomorrow’s a big day for me and idk this is somewhat a defiance against the future maybe. I have no idea what will happen tomorrow and i want to post this while not feeling too bad yet. *gulp*
> 
> Something i learnt abt myself while writing this: I’m terrible at writing the comfort part of hurt/comfort. Mostly because im terrible at comforting ppl irl. Im mostly the kind of person u go for logical solutions... not emotional ones. I guess maybe next time i cld try just pure angst? >:3c Or shld i actually try to improve my comfort parts...?
> 
> Anyway, thank yall for coming this far!!! Yay! You’re all wonderful readers! I hope u enjoyed it!! And please leave comments hurhurhur they fuel me :3 Or u cld drop by and scream at me [@confusedsiewmai](https://confusedsiewmai.tumblr.com/). Once again, thx a bunch yall


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